Holy Week 2024: EP 1 – I Have Called You By Name

Palm Sunday.

I met Lilith today. Mary of Magdala as what Jesus called her. She’s the first person introduced. She’s that sinful woman or that prostitute mentioned on the Gospels who anointed Jesus feet. She was lost here. For me, I think she’s like an image of just anyone of us, not the person we are but at some times in our lives where we feel so lost and don’t know what to do, don’t know how to fight that demons inside us that make us suffer each and every time. We think people around us judge us where in fact, it’s ourselves who first judged. She has a beautiful past where her father always reminds her about this passage:

Isaiah 43:1: “Thus says the Lord who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name. You are mine.”

This is so beautiful. When we feel lost, isn’t beautiful to be reminded to not fear for we have been redeemed. We are His people.

I also met Nicodemus – a Pharisee who said to be the ‘teacher of the teachers’. He was called to face and heal Lilith and take demons away from her but he didn’t make it. He got scared just by looking at the eyes of Lilith. On the other hand, there is this scene where Nicodemus had a talk with his wife and uttered these words, “Why? Why must I perform? What sort of performance is this? What do you see in the mirror? Sometimes, I wonder if what we can know of Adonai in the law is just as blurred. What if we’re not seeing the whole picture? What if it’s more beautiful and more strange than we can ever imagine?“ . I don’t know but these questions somehow resonate in me.

Then Matthew got introduced too – the taxman or the tax collector. He appears here to be a well-off man who cannot just look people into their eyes. Why? Isn’t because he’s guilty of taking money out from people’s pocket? I don’t know but yes, he appears like that. You know who represents him to our current times today.  That driver of Matthew caught my attention too. He somehow represents those people who collaborate with these people like Matthew who don’t want people to know he’s making business with him because people may think of him as like Matthew’s image too.

Then I met Simon and Andrew – the brothers. They are the ordinary people who just work from day to day to get by. They are fishermen here. They represent the most of us, people who just work the day to get by. No definite direction, in debt, sometimes, got desperate and do desperate moves, may face challenges and temptations along the way but still wanted to be good people by paying the taxes right. Yes, we’re trying to be good by doing our obligations as we think that if we do our obligations right, we’re good, isn’t?

This is so fascinating to reflect on each character and how we can relate to each of them. We may see ourselves in them or see their situation like ours. We may have questions about this life and always looking for answers. Then, even if we don’t find the answers, we have no choice but to go on with our everyday lives with hope that someday we find them while we’re still alive.

90-Day Balance Life Challenge! Here I come!

Today, I want to dedicate my time on reflecting and planning on how I can make my life balanced. I noticed recently, I spent a lot of hours everyday on reading reflections, self consciousness, tips and the likes and I spent less on my work. Well, yes they were a lot helpful, I feel better because somehow, I got to learn how to find myself in calmness and being happy within with just whatever I have and wherever I am. But somehow, I’m still longing for a better result on my external things specifically in finances and career – that’s still lacking on me.

I have joined a 90-Day Fitness Challenge that has begun this year and I’m halfway through and I’ve been doing good on it. So I’m thinking that I guess, I do good with checklist and small daily goals that is written. So now, I want to try a personal 90-Day Balance Life Challenge (this sounds so cool to me – an exciting journey!) and I’m thinking to use this blog site for that. I am a newbie learner of life and I want to work on developing and improving to be my best self. That’s why, I want to take advantage of everything I can do and use it, looking and discovering things that would work for me and what’s not. This is a life long journey and I’m on my way everyday. Using every tool I can is like riding on something to make my journey more exciting, with direction and less stressful. I know that if I write it down, I can easily keep track on it, I can easily reflect back and most of all, I am writing my life story with a little effort everyday – that’s so fun to think about!

Here’s my list:

PHYSICAL
– Update my GetUpForLife journal and accomplish each daily small goals.
– Take 8hr sleep. (Target to sleep by 10pm and wake up by 6am)
– Spend some time with the things I love doing (e.q. gardening, listening to music, playing guitar, learning piano, blogging)

SPIRITUAL
– 30-min morning prayer and Bible reading/reflecting
– At least 15-min meditation in the morning and evening
– Read/Reflect at least 1-2 articles from http://tinybuddha.com/

MENTAL
– Update my journal (‘My Choice’ blogsite) with my 90-Day Balance Life Challenge. 🙂
– Read at least 2-3 pages of my favorite books (spiritual, psychology, relationship related books)
– Listen to A Minute with John Maxwell
– Read/Reflect on The Daily Motivator (http://greatday.com/)

SOCIAL/EMOTIONAL
– Do good deed for other people (with just any kind of kindness… e.q. listening, cooperating, grant a simple request/favor)

MATERIAL (Monday – Saturday)
– Spend at least 4-hr with JS Consulting
– Spend at least 4-hr with Tech-Acumen
– Spend at least 1-hr on building BeSupport, Inc. and other collaborative organization.

As my journey begun and as time goes by, I might still add some more or alter some from the list… I hope that it gets wider and bigger over time. 🙂

I know that it will take time for me to accomplish all these in a day and master them. So, I’d like to take it one a time. Perhaps, I could aim to accomplish at least one goal for each factor for 10 days straight and then add one by one every after 10 days. This sounds a bit lighter to me! 🙂

I’d like to start my Day 1 by tomorrow (Saturday)……… READY… SET… (GO! Tomorrow!)

By the way, I’d also want to acknowledge these websites that I used for my pattern on making my plans for a balance life. For those authors, thank you so much! 🙂
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/9-tips-to-create-a-balanced-life/
http://www.wikihow.com/Have-a-Balanced-Lifestyle

Start Learning to Let Go

After hearing these words from him, I got confused and I start hearing myself like, “stop hoping as early as now…”

“The latest news on the stuff I’m facing in my life.  My lawyer gave me a good mortification of child support and custody. I sent it to my ex wife for her signature.  Her and I have been getting along much better. She is not doing very well in her relationship with her boyfriend.  It concerns me because my son (Andy) & daughter (Marcia) still live with her. My ex-wife is trying to push me to get a divorce quickly.  She has this idea that if I were divorced we can live together as friends and finish raising our children.  Andy will be 13 this month and Marcia is going on 11years old.  This idea is very confusing and if I where to consider doing something like this it would be a decision that I would have to make very carefully. I know my children would be in great hands with me.  I give them so much security, so much love, so much peace and they are very proud of me.  My children really hold their head up high when they think of me.  My daughter calls me her protector. When she needs me or has a broken bone I am right there.  I know the kids would do great under my roof.”

I guess, I need to start learning to let go as early as now.  The worst thing that could happen between us is when he finally decide to give it a chance to live again with his ex-wife for the sake of his children. And thinking about that, I can loudly hear myself saying… “Yeah, it’s the best thing he can do for his children and I can’t be selfish for that. I’m just his online companion, an online friend or… yes a special someone, someone that is important to him but still the connection we have is just as vulnerable as the signal from satellite.”

I think, I really need to start living again the way I used to, learn to let go even if there’s still a lot of chance between us. This way, if ever he decide to live with his ex-wife again, at least, I have prepared myself and hopefully, I can easily bear the pain and I can easily move on from it.  And if ever he decide the other way around, since it’s the one that I’m hoping for, that will bring a lot of excitement, for sure!

So for now, these are the things I need to start thinking about and do for myself…

– learn to let go and then let go
– detach myself from the hope that we will be together soon
– detach myself from ‘him’ but keep the connection alive
– never expect anything from him
– stop dreaming and hoping about ‘our’ future
– just enjoy each moment we share with each other
– live my life independently (either he’s there or not)
– open my heart to other options
– accept dates from other guys who’s willing to know me
– … (I might add some more as time goes by…)

These are all easier said than done. Just thinking about it caused me pain. But I know I have my chance and time now to try and practice all these, as early as now (c’mon Becks, YOU CAN DO IT!).  I don’t think, there’s something from the list that could harm him or so. In fact, I see them as an advantage for him. What do you think? And if ever I got to master all those in the list, I’m pretty sure that I will cause no burden to him and that I could give him the best option he can have for his life which would also makes me happy for him.

I might paste this list on my wall to keep me reminded. I need to do this to protect my heart and never lose myself. So that whenever the right person, the best person for me comes along, I’ll be prepared to accept him with open arms and I’m still in my best self.  So that, we can work out for the best future we can have.

So help me God.

New Year, New Me!

It’s New Year! And me? Oh well, here I am, I’m still trying hard to be a new me. Well, that’s what I’m proud of though, at least I’m trying. And there’s nothing that won’t happen when you start trying something new or something that you want. There’s always something that really happens when you try. Right?

Well, I’m thankful that I started the year with a new goal for my physical fitness. I’ve joined a 90-Day Fitness Challenge by Tiffany Rothe (Oh! I really admire this lady when it comes to fitness! Really!) Here’s my page where I just put my Day 1 Challenge. It’s really exciting! Way to go!

https://www.facebook.com/getupforlife

Another good thing that happened just today is, I was able to let go of my personal attachment to someone I thought I can spend the rest of my life with. Well, here in this situation, I learned that it’s easier to let go if you believe yourself that you’ll be alright and that you truly believe that God won’t ever let you down after this. That’s easy! Or maybe my attachment to this person is not yet that strong? But still, I’d like to bring this lesson with me in my heart so that whenever I need to let go of something, it won’t be ever difficult anymore and so, less time will be wasted and that I can explore more about life! Isn’t that interesting to try?

The year has just started and I’m facing these interesting happenings in my life. Life is really really wonderful! And it’s just so exciting to wait what future holds for me and for all the people that is dear to me.

There’s still a long way to go…